Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just googled if crying burns calories
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
