The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
