Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize