$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
