i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you win again, gameday.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
