He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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