Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the š®like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was āTits On A Stickā.
Randomize
