I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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