so that wasnt chicken after all
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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