It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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