I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
