I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I need moral support for this bender
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I could fuck to npr.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
