Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize