Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
