you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
