i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
