Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
