If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I would fuck him just for his dog
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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