yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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