i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
