I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
her vagine was all disorganized.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
