I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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