Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
