hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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