3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
