Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
