I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize