two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
