you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
