Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do vagina's smell?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There's always time for handjobs
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
