Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
