I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
