i jhust puked up my retainher.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
