OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
