I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
