Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
