I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
