I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
