So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
