You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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