NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize