thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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