we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
