I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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