dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
