So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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