i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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