Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
