Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
