he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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