Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can feel your judgement through the phone
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
