I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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