My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
