saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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