She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize