We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
