she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
