i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I CAN MOONWALK!
Acid is not a monday night drug
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
