I am puke
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
