laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
