That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
