Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
