i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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