Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I need to sanitize my soul.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
