wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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