We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
