I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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