I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You're a disaster
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