I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
This couple is walking their pig around campus
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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