Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
