I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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