My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Oh god it's open bar.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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