i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
