I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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