I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
