why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize