He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
cat food counts as protein by the way
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
