I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
