I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
