I got chris browned last night
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
