I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My vagina is very pro this idea
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize