never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
