I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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