He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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