And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize