I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
