it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
