Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
