I wannas sexs uuuuu
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
PANTIES FOUND
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