I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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