She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize