So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
