I wish life had little blips of pornography
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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