Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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