Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
