I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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