not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We got so high we made milksteak
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
