I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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