if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
