just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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