How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
