Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
